On Becoming a Mother
Growing up, I always knew I wanted a family—a BIG family. 100 kids to be exact. Now, I know what you’re thinking because I now think so too…“That’s insane!” In a way, I’ve had that many and more as I’ve had the privilege in working in education for 10 years. However, managing 30+ teenagers at a time is NOT the same as trying to juggle a newborn, a very independent toddler, and a pre-teen that has to be re-introduced to household norms every other weekend. It’s quite the opposite. Some days it feels like I’m the ring leader of a circus, others I feel like I’m someone trying to corral feral cats, and on the rare occasion I feel like myself—whatever that means at any given time.
I thought when I became a mother I would let it consume me and I would be content with that. Coming from a traditional and religious household, I thought that becoming a mother meant I would find myself in that role and that it was the only thing that would define me. As much as I love being a mama, it’s not the only thing that I am, nor is it the only thing that I want to be. As I’ve gotten older and stepped deeper into this role, the more I’ve realized the importance of the parallels of growing into being a mother and growing into being me, an individual, as well as the intersection of the two.
In an ideal world, the growth I experience in being a mother and a whole person outside of that would happen simultaneously. I’d take a step in each direction with certainty and would come out on the other side feeling the sun shine on my face. I’d love to say that this task of finding the balance between the two has been easy, but it has not. The mom guilt is real and is so quick to take over the moment I start to question my choices. Should I really be taking on this much when our lives are already so busy? Is it really a good idea to leave the kids for that long? It’s at these moments that I remind myself that 1) it’s critical to have and do my own things outside of my kids and family life, and 2) it’s important to have my kids be a part of the things that are important to me.
Becoming a mother doesn’t mean that you have to choose between who you were and who you’re becoming. It doesn’t mean that you can’t have a life outside of your family, or that you’re a bad mom because you want to do something for yourself (or don’t want to do something for them). We are still people who have needs that need to be met, goals that we’ve yet to achieve, dreams we’re still reaching for, and that’s okay. Strive for those things, include your littles in the joy that it brings you. Show them that it’s possible to be good at more than one thing. The mama that they need isn’t one that’s deprived herself of the things she loves, but is one that takes care of herself and her needs, and is able to be more present because of it.
xoxo,
Jeri
