What No One Told Me About Breastfeeding
When I started my breastfeeding journey with my first, I didn’t know how hard it would be. How long nights would lead to even more stressful days filled with self-doubt and uncertainty. How it would cause me to question my motherhood and my ability to nourish my baby—something I thought would come naturally and with ease. But like so many other things in life, there’s so much I didn’t know when I started breastfeeding and even more that I wish someone had told me.
As I’ve embarked on this journey for a second time, there is so much more that I know now that I wish I knew the first time around. Everyone’s journey is different, and there is so much more I could say, but I will begin with these little nuggets.
getting a proper latch is a skill
Getting your baby to latch correctly can be HARD. Some babies get the swing of it quickly, and some might not be able to, and that’s okay, it doesn’t make you a bad mom. It’s a new skill for your baby and it’s a new thing for you to look out for, so there are some things you can do that might be helpful and some things to keep in mind.
Find a good lactation consultant. I underestimated the power of having a professional give you guidance and reassurance as you practice this new thing. My first time around I was stressed trying to find one that would be a good fit and ultimately gave up. My second time, I called in the lactation consultant at the hospital every chance I had and was prepared with a backup for when I got home, just in case that self-doubt was starting to hit.
Coach your baby on latching properly. Just like a sports coach gives feedback to players in the moment or a voice coach helps you make adjustments as soon as its needed, you’ll do something similar with your baby. Each time they latch is an opportunity for you to work on good form so that it’s not painful and they are getting a deep latch.
breastfeeding isn’t a one size fits all type of thing
Breastfeeding my firstborn was extremely hard on my mental well-being and self-perception. She latched well on one side, which happened to visually be my smaller side, and struggled to latch on the other unless I was in a side laying position—which just wasn’t practical for our lifestyle. I didn’t know what to do. I wish someone had told me that I had some options before I switched to exclusively pumping (which is a whole other world). Here are some options that I’ve stumbled upon that I would have considered had I known about them:
Exclusively feed on one side. I came across a post the other day of a mama showing the size difference in her 2 breasts. Only one side produced the milk her baby needed, so she nursed with that one. It then made me recall what the lactation consultant at the hospital told me: “Pumping and nursing are two different things. Just because it looks like you’re not pumping enough, does not mean that he’s not able to get what he needs when he latches.”
Supplement with formula. If you are not producing enough, that doesn’t mean you have to completely stop nursing and switch to formula. You don’t have to stress about not producing enough or kill yourself trying to do everything under the sun to get your supply up. Sometimes, it’s just not in the cards. Nurse when you can, with what you can and supplement when needed.
your motherhood isn’t tied to your ability (or want) to breastfeed
From the time you tell people you’re pregnant until the end of forever, people will have opinions about what is best for you and your baby. They’ll ask if you’re going to nurse and will judge you as a mother no matter what you say. You’ll see beautiful images of mamas nursing their babies and hear people say that “breast is best,” making it seem like it’s the best and only option, it’s not. As you consider what is best for both baby AND you, remember these things:
A fed baby is best. The most important thing isn’t WHAT your baby is being fed or HOW you’re baby is being fed. The most important thing is that your baby is fed and full and content—don’t lose sight of that or doubt yourself when the unsolicited opinions or pics on social media start flooding in.
A happy, mentally healthy mama is best. There are no awards for breastfeeding your baby and your worth as a mother doesn’t come from that. One of the best things my husband told me when I was nursing my first was, “Your mental health is important and we can stop whenever you’re ready.” Breastfeeding is stressful (and so is pumping); and it’s hard to give of yourself when your cup is empty or you’re trying to keep your head above water. Do what you need so that YOU can be happy and healthy too.
You know what’s best for you and your baby. It’s hard not to doubt yourself when you’re a mama. We all just want to do what’s best for our babies, but that also means doing what’s best for us sometimes as well. No one knows the ins and outs of you, your mental health, your baby’s health, your lifestyle, etc. like you do! Choose what is best for you both and be confident in that. You’ve got this!
xoxo,
Jeri
