18 Things You Need to Know About Parenting 2 Under 3
This week Charlie is 18 months. In those 18 months so much has happened and there is so much that I've realized. In honor of these 18 months of joy, growth, and struggle, here are 18 things that I've learned that I want to share with you.
1. The more kids you have (especially when they're close in age) the less capacity you have.
The capacity you once had to do the dishes and go for a run all of a sudden diminishes right before your eyes, until one day you realize that this is your new reality and you’ll have to readjust your expectations.
2. You're only one person and when you have multiple people to give of yourself to, it only makes sense that you have less to give each one.
It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad parent, it just makes you human. Once you realize (and accept) that there’s no way you can do it all, you’ll be more open to finding what’s going to work best for you and your family moving forward.
3. Things don't get "easier" as your kids get older...
It’s a common misconception that’s widely shared, but things are far from easy as they hit new milestones. The pre-teen and teenage years are notorious for self-discovery, which has new challenges of it’s own.
4. Things CHANGE as your kids get older (ex: you don't have to feed the baby every 2 hours, they become more independent).
What was once physically draining may now be mentally exhausting. You experience new challenges and might find that what worked before is no longer a tool that resonates with your child.
5. Your kids getting older also means that they're becoming more conscious, which means they're going to try to make sense of the world on their own.
With each new developmental stage, they’re becoming more aware of the world around them. They’re curious about how things work, what their role in all of this is, and how things relate to one another.
6. They'll test boundaries, not to test you, but to draw their own conclusions.
Have you heard people say “they’re testing limits” or something to that effect? It’s true! They’re trying to figure out how things in the world interact and want to do it on their terms. They’re not testing boundaries to be malicious or doing it to test your limits, but to draw their own conclusions.
7. They'll say "no" and most of the time mean it, and you want to foster that because you'll want them to grow up to be individuals who feel comfortable saying "no" in uncomfortable situations.
The much-feared “NO!” isn’t necessarily isn’t a bad thing. It’s something to be fostered, accepted, and modeled in various situations. We want our kids to have the confidence to say “NO!” in uncomfortable situations AND have had the practice saying it in a brave space (aka your home).
8. It's not so much about the macaroni being the wrong shape or the cup being the wrong color, but that maybe they weren't given an opportunity to choose or get it on their own.
Toddlers are notorious for demanding their way, being picky eaters, and wanting to do everything on their own. It’s one of their big buckets that needs to be filled: CONTROL. It only makes sense that it feels like their world is falling apart when they aren’t given the opportunity to make any decisions or are being misunderstood.
9. You may have done all the things your toddler asked, and the meltdown might still happen--that's okay!
Toddlers are also very emotional individuals. Their brains are still developing and the part of the brain that they access most of the time is their lower brain (aka the emotional brain). It won’t always be that way. As they get older, their frontal lobes (logic brain) will develop and with the right support they’ll be able to access that more often.
10. They're tiny humans trying to figure out how to regulate their emotions...
Remember how I said their frontal lobe isn’t developed quite yet? Their brains literally aren’t developed enough to regulate their emotions on their own. Co-regulation and modeling will be the best thing as you support your child in finding their calm in the middle of big feelings.
11. But they won't be able to regulate on their own until they're about 7...
12. And even then, they'll still need your support, empathy, and understanding during those times.
13. Toddlers have poor impulse control.
14. And much of what they do, although not ideal at times, is developmentally appropriate...
Check out this YouTube playlist from Grow with Anna B. with more info about the early ages and stages.
15. Which means sometimes you'll have to breathe and think about how you want to teach them the alternatives to the less than ideal actions (like biting or hitting).
What to Do When You Feel Like Hitting is a family favorite when navigating this with little ones.
