Parenting Through “The Terrible Twos”
Around the time my toddler turned 2, I began to hear a lot of comments about “the terrible twos.” A phrase I had heard long before, but didn’t fully understand until become a parent myself. I recall my God child going through that age and it being pretty rough, and so it went with my own child. As we started to embark on the journey that is the infamous age of 2, I began to reflect on the WHY behind the phrase.
We know that toddlers are notorious for wanting to do things on their own. We know that they are curious and are willing to try almost anything that crosses their mind. Some of us even know that they have poor impulse control AND that the behaviors of hitting, kicking, biting (although not exactly desirable) are in fact developmentally appropriate. So why, then, do we consider it terrible that a tiny human being in this stage would be deemed as “terrible” when they are just trying to do the best they can?
As I continued to search for a logical answer I landed on this: what’s terrible about the twos is that we, as caregivers, have a shift in our role. We are no longer just a caregiver who feeds, changes, and soothes our children; we are now TEACHERS, facilitating life for our little ones and trying to show them the “right way” to do the million things they want to do on their own (and sometimes can’t).
What’s terrible is that it is at this point in time when some of us start to become frustrated when things don’t go as intended and start to realize that we don’t know HOW to teach our child how to do things without us just taking over because it’s easier & quicker. What’s terrible is that we start to see little mirror snippets of the faulty parts of us as human beings as our toddler rages towards us like we raged towards that random driver on the way to daycare drop off. What’s terrible is that what’s required of us is actually a lot more than what it was before, which is the opposite of the “It’ll get easier” that everyone spewed at us during that 32-week stretch of sleepless nights.
Maybe the terrible twos aren’t so much about our little ones, but more about the struggles that we as parents and caregivers face as we try to navigate how to model and teach all that our littles need to learn at these new stages. Maybe it’s about the challenges and difficulties we as parents face as they become more conscious and curious. Maybe, just maybe, it’s associated with how many of us feel at the end of the day after getting into countless struggles with a two year old: TERRIBLE.
Maybe you feel terrible for shouting or for losing your temper. Maybe you feel terrible for not knowing what to do. Maybe you feel terrible because you’re exhausted by the constant of being needed by a tiny human who comes off as demanding, but is just trying to get things done that they can’t necessarily do themselves. That feeling of “terrible” might even come later as you wish you could be more patient and calm during those challenging moments.
But it doesn’t have to feel that way! The developmental stage of 2 can be full of wonder and play and silly moments when you’re equipped with the right tools and strategies to support yourself AND your toddler through this stage. Here are three things you can do to help you navigate what I’m going to call “The Trying Twos” (because just like your child, you are also trying your best):
1. Find something fun for just the two of you to do.
During this stage, it feels like a lot of what we do is redirecting, correcting, and losing our minds as we try to figure out what’s going to work best for our little one. That’s a lot of pressure for you BOTH. Take out some of the heaviness and build in non-structured fun time for the two of you to connect.
For us, that has looked like my toddler and I going on “coffee dates.” It’s time for just the two of us to connect and enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes she gets a little silly, but more often she sits there, enjoying her chocolate milk and pointing out things she notices, like circles.
2. Build in extra time…and then double it.
It doesn’t matter how much time I give myself, I can always use more—especially now that I have two toddlers and they BOTH want to do things on their own. When the power struggle kicks in about who’s putting on shoes, ask yourself these two questions:
Is this worth it?
How much time will it take to let them do it versus going down the path of a probable meltdown?
These two questions will help shift your perspective in the moment AND pave the way to you being more conscious and mindful of incorporating moments for autonomy in your everyday routines. Don’t get me wrong, boundaries are important, but so is giving your little one ample time to do things on their own.
3. Give yourself grace.
As you face those challenging times with your toddler, I invite you to give them grace. Give yourself grace. This is hard work, and I bet if you took on a new perspective about how CAPABLE you are of supporting your child through this stage, it wouldn’t feel so “terrible.”
Interested in learning more or getting support in your own journey navigating the twos? Click here to schedule a FREE session today and see how you can parent with patience, peace, and purpose!
Learn more about how Jeri-Ashley can support you to become a Purposeful Parent!
